1. Make sure to be in the final boarding zone and carry-on as much luggage as you can. If your over stuffed-roller bag won’t fit in a tiny overhead space, just keep shoving. Although common sense and the basic laws of physics may tempt you into giving up, it’s more than likely that a just a few more shoves will do the trick, so pay no mind to the line of people that undoubtedly is forming behind you.
2. Once seated, speak at a volume roughly double the normally socially acceptable level. This will assure you can be heard by those you’re speaking to, but also those well in-front and behind you. Many airlines have limited entertainment options these days, and your cabin mates will certainly cherish the unavoidable opportunity to hear your insightful rambles.
3. This is a really important tip – When you need to stand up, feel free to go ahead and give the chair in front of you a strong, unannounced yank. The person napping in front of you shouldn’t mind. They’ll just think, “Surprise! Free chiropractic adjustment!”
4. Only get up to use the bathroom while drink service is going on. Sure 75 percent of the time the aisles are clear, but shoot for that 25 percent sweet spot. While making your way back, go ahead and give each of the people sitting along the aisle a nudge as you pass them. We can’t have them sleeping and unalert in case of an emergency. Just think, who would be able to help if you are unable to open your 1 ounce bag of pretzels?
5. Here’s one last insider traveler secret – after you land and taxi to the terminal, make sure to unbuckle and stand up immediately when the seatbelt sign is turned off . Pay no mind to the fact that it will take five to ten minutes until your row is able to start exiting into the aisle. You’ll want to stand uncomfortably with your neck tilted at a full 90 degrees and head against the air vents. Being up high will assure that everyone around will be able to see you roll your eyes when a passenger ahead struggles to retrieve an overstuffed roller bag. “Some people,” you’ll be able to proclaim, “how can they be so rude?” 😉